When you are a social worker, people tell you things. Obviously your clients tell you all sorts of things, also friends and family know you are a good listener and unburden themselves. But also, and this is the weird part, total and complete strangers...I could be in line at a grocery store and the person in front of me will start telling me their life story and asking for advice. In fact I think that exact scenario has happened more than once to me. Social workers give off this "I'm a friendly caring person who is willing to listen" vibe even when we are PMSing and have a screaming child in the shopping cart. Its just how we are wired.
But I also think this phenomenon has as much or more to do with the fact that people really just want someone to listen to them. Think about it-when is the last time you were able to talk to someone without them interrupting, telling you their own stuff or generally flaking out. I feel very fortunate to have a few people in my life who will do that, more than one is like an embarrassment of riches.
Henri Nouwen said "The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in bereavement and grief who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares." I hope you have someone who listens to you today. Even if its the social worker in line behind you at Publix. And I hope you have the chance to listen to someone you love today.

Possibilites

What are your favorite smells? Besides crayons mine are (in no particular order)

Starbucks coffee
My G-Mom's chicken and dumplings
Baby Magic lotion in the pink bottle
The way it smells after it rains in the summer
Pine Sol and Murphy's wood soap

Did you know that of your five senses the sense of smell is most closely connected to the part of your brain that files away memories? One of my favorite smells in the world is a box of new crayons....lots of memories coming flooding back every time I open a pack. But memory is a funny thing, sometimes we associate it with only good or only bad...the thing about new crayon smell is that it is the smell of possibility. Anything could happen when you show up for the first day of school, or pick out a cornflower blue crayon and put it to paper. (As an aside I plan to do some research on how they name those crayons. When I went to Sienna and saw the fields...they were exactly the color of Burnt Sienna in the box of 64)

We are full of possibilities around here these days. School is starting, work is changing, Ethan is doing something new everyday. Possibility also brings risk, always. And change brings loss. I I'm trying to focus on the possibility and not the risk, the change not the loss. But I am saying goodbye to a first grader and a newer more mature Robert bursting with creativity and personality. I'm selling changing tables and rockers and letting "Baby Ethan" grow up. I'm rethinking work and my commitments and making new priorities. All in all its wonderful and scary.

Hope you are scared out of your mind and thrilled at the possibility.

"If you threw a party and invited everyone you knew...."

Robert woke up yesterday on a mission. He was going to have a party. I have learned sometimes I just have to get out of his way. I figured it would at least keep him busy for a little while. First he wrote out all the invitations, including one to the oldest teen on the block hoping he'd be a "guard" for the party. I asked him who he was guarding against and Robert said "Party poopers." Then he hand delivered them to all the houses with kids on the street.

The rest of the day he spent preparing for what he was certain would be the party of the summer. He wrote a speech, picked out a "party hat" to wear. He swept out his play house and set the table with supplies. He planned to have a game of kick ball and music.

I agreed (reluctantly) to prepare popcorn and drinks for the party. I honestly thought it would be Robert, Kristen (who is here every day anyway) and maybe the little girl across the street....but at 7:02 Robert was outside waiting and he yelled "There are people coming" and sure enough there were. In all there were 11 guests, only a few siblings didn't come but every house with kids had at least one here. At the last minute I put out a few left over cupcakes to go with the water and popcorn...they were gone in minutes...After everyone socialized (Robert got too nervous to make his speech) they played kickball until the street lights came on and everyone had to go.

Robert kills me. What other seven year old could pull off an impromptu summer party for ten plus all because he dreamed it up one morning? I only wish he could have pulled off the speech. I heard him practicing it went like this "Fellow kids of Burton Manor we have gathered here for one reason...to party!! I'll have pictures up later today.

Hi Ho Hi Ho Off to work I go....

Three weeks of summer left and I plan to be super productive in the home stretch. I have been re energized regarding my work. I had two big disappointments earlier in the summer and it left me in a bit of a funk. But I read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Days" and I went on vacation. The book helped me think about every day events a little differently. Also, anytime I go on vacation I can guarantee when I come back I will have a dozen voicemails with referrals, even if I haven't had any for a month. Also, I had some new inquiries about the support group I'm leading. So...all geared up and ready to work.

Friends and acquaintances frequently ask me "Don't you find it depressing to listen to other people's problems." And the answer is always "No." Actually, I feel privileged to see what they may never let others see and to walk through their joys and sorrows with them. I have one client who has been seeing me off and on for ten years, what an honor to get know her, to watch her grow and make positive changes. Most of my clients don't hang around for that long so I don't get to see their full arc, their story develop quite so much. Still, a lot can happen in three months, or three weeks or sometimes just an hour.

In other news Robert's braces may be off next week. Also next week he is begnning violin lessons. (His Gigi is soooo happy!) Ethan is 22 months and throws these amazing tantrums where he flings his body to the floor and screams "Not Nice" which could either be describing his own behavior or mine. Then he stops very calmly and looks around to make sure we see him, when he catches our eye he starts again full throttle. It is a little frightening and a little amusing.

Blueberry Hill

These were taken at a place nearby called (I kid you not) Blueberry Hill where you pick your own blueberries. We've been twice in the last week. Both boys love it, its hot and dirty but sooo much fun. Now I need a recipe for blueberry muffins. Other discoveries this summer include, the Village Clocksmith. He has an office in the same area as mine and Robert has been begging to visit, it was worth the wait. The "Clock Doc" repairs clocks and builds them...he had a Lionel train clock that goes around on the hour. Also, Robert explored the Artesian Fountain near my office and found a rock shaped like a frog...heady stuff for a seven year old. He thinks he's the Lewis and Clark of Prattville.

We also narrowly avoided a trip to the ER and a Cat scan for little Ethan after he smashed his head on a window sill. All is well, but we had quite a scare. Life with these two is a never ending adventure. I'm enjoying the ride.

8th grade plus 20 years equals fabulous

My 20th high school reunion was this past weekend. I loved seeing old friends and catching up, but the highlight was definitely the unoffical reunion of my elementary and middle school friends. Eleven of us graduated eighth grade together (yes we had an 8th grade graduation)...and over the last 24 years our lives have intersected in all sorts of surprising ways. Weddings, babies, funerals for most of my life at least one or two of that group were a part of them.


But it has been a long time since so many of us were in one place at one time. When I was a kid and I'd go to sleepover I'd want to stay awake as long as possible so I didn't miss one second with my friends. Then when everyone went home and the junkfood high had worn off I'd cry because it was over. That's how the last three days were for me.


I didn't know you could miss someone so much only when you'd found them. We laughed until I hurt, and I wanted to take them all home with me so I could remember everything about each of them, and how all of them shaped who I was and who I grew up to be.


Snehal taught me that patience and generosity are the source of real beauty...Andrea taught me to stand up for myself (even in graduate school she was helping me do that)...if you can be a genteleman at 11 years old Kareem was and he still is....Jen Mat helps me remember what I didn't know I forgot...and Ray taught me family is not always about who you're born to. I love them all.


I can only hope Robert and Ethan will find friends who mean so much to them.

Cookies, Kool-Aid, And Kumbaya

Its VBS week...Robert loves Vacation Bible School and truthfully so do I. All those eager little faces wearing nametags and jumping around singing and dancing. The Bible Story, snack time crafts...I love all of it. I remeber making plaster of paris "fruit" of the spirit drinking red kool aid and eating cookies in the tiny churches my Dad pastored...all your "Sunday friends" there during the week. Somehow being there on a Monday morning was different than being there on Sunday morning.
Things are a little more advanced for Robert with a giant screen showing a themed DVD of worship music, dramatic retelling of the day's Bible lesson and navigating the normally calm halls of church with 150 other kids. Even so its the simple joys Robert seems to remember, the craft he made out of popsicle sticks, the lesson that he doesn't have to be afarid because God is always with us...its not just Kool-aid, cookies and Kumbaya anymore but it is definitley part of our summer tradition and we're excited. If you need me this week I'll be on a VBS adventure, or sleeping it off in the afternoon.