Some days I think the Mommy part of my job description is the hardest, other days the Social Worker seems daunting.  Then there are days when the two collide and leave me broken wide open.  This past weekend was one of those times.

    Friday I was in full on Mommy mode.  Hunter was home and we were preparing to go out of town for Christmas with my Dad's family.  I was busy packing and running errands.  Somewhere in the day I looked at my Twitter feed and commented almost casually to Hunter "there has been another school shooting."  Then we finished our errands and went to pick up our oldest son from school and hit the road.  For the first time all day I was able to see the details of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
 My heart broke with each detail I read.  As a Mom I thought back to Robert's casual announcement a few weeks ago they'd had an "intruder drill" where they hid behind things. At the time I was a little shocked they practiced such things, but now I couldn't stop thinking about it.  Wondering if those poor children had practiced the same thing with their brave teachers.
       As a social worker I thought of all the hurting people young and old who manage to inflict their pain on others.  And how hard we work to prevent that from happening, and how often we fail.  I want to say we need more regulation on gun ownership I want to preach about the benefits of early and meaningful mental health treatment.  But the sad truth is sick people do sick things all the time.
     I carefully shared the major points of the situation with Robert, he was going to hear it and I wanted to control the information.  He asked me "Did they go into lockdown?'  When did that become something my nine year old knows about and understands?
     Bedtime in the hotel came quickly and exhausted we all slept preparing for our Christmas party the next day.  When I woke I had several messages from the crisis group I contract for.  Another shooting, this one in Birmingham, at St Vincent's. Birmingham- my hometown.  My Dad worked for years at St. Vincent's- I've been there more times than I can count.  Three people shot, the gunman dead. Could I go?  Could I not go? Social worker/mommy.  Our party was quieter than usual.  My cousin left for Afghanistan the day before, my aunt passed away this year and her absence was felt. But still we corralled children and ate dressing and sang Christmas carols.
    On the way home Hunter dropped me off at St. Vincent's to make rounds with chaplains, to do what I could.  As we pulled up to the ER entrance there were police cars and news reporters.  Robert seemed anxious and questioned again what I was doing and why..the mommy and the social worker were both working overtime.  Hunter wrangled all three tired cranky boys through the zoolight safari while I roamed the mostly empty hallways of the hospital, looking at bullet holes and listening to stories of near misses and doing a whole lot of waiting around to wait some more.  I spent most of that time thinking about how quickly life goes from being an ordinary day to a day that marks your life as before and after.  I've born witness to many of those pivotal days as a social worker.  I hope I don't as a mommy.
    It is so hard to reconcile the world I hope for my children, and the one we are given.  Hunter reminds me that there is so much beauty and good around us if we only look for it.  I know he is right, but this weekend the Mommy in me just wants to cry and hold my babies close.  The Social Worker just wants to hold everyone's babies close and sit with those who cry.  That's what being a social worker/mommy is about sometimes.

Mental Status Exam for Social Worker Mommy

SWM is a middle aged  young and vibrant 40 yr old white female who currently resides with her husband and 3 hellions boys.  Client's appearance, grooming and hygiene were abnormal as she states she hasn't showered in three days (longer since she shaved her legs).  Although oriented to person and place she seemed confused regarding the time and spoke only of nap times, bed times, and meal times..actual hours on the clock seemed to hold little meaning for her.
SWM's thinking and perception were within normal limits, although at times she appeared hypervigilant regarding germs using hand sanitizer excessively and offering baby wipes to everyone in the office.  All the while she was muttering "not one more cold this year, cannot take one more cold."   SWM's speech was inappropriately sing songy and at times she was given to making exclamations that were inappropriate to the setting- pointing out shiny cars or repeating "Use gentle hands."  
SWM complains of interrupted sleep patterns, abnormal eating patterns (only little debbie cakes and chicken nuggets in last 36 hours),  


Recommend girl's night out immediately.  Place SWM on 72 hour hold in a spa/quiet room.  

Scooby Scooby Doo Where Are You?

The Scooby Doo extravaganza has come to an end. We're done with round one of birthday celebrations. Round two will take place over Mother's Day weekend and on Robert's actual birthday next Monday. Everyone was pretty wiped out from the party..although it seemed to be a big success. Afterward Robert said he wanted to have another one just like it next year.

Every year I swear it is going to be a simple affair, family only and maybe a couple of friends and every year it spirals out of control...it reached its zenith when Robert turned three and his entire class plus siblings (about 20 kids altogether) showed up at our house and descended on the gymboree tumble bus thingy. That was the last party we had at the house I think...anyway this year we had just the right number of kids....and I bought everything Scooby Doo related..cake, goodies, etc. I want to be the Mom who makes a cake from scratch and crafts homemade takeaways months in advance,but that ain't happening. All in all it was a fun day. Even Ethan seemed to enjoy himself, he was full of cake and ice cream courtesy of the four grandparents and one Tia present.

In other news, Robert will portray Rainforest Tree # 2 in his class play on Tuesday. Ethan got a little trim of the bangs thanks to my talented friend Kim. Work is super slow right now (all the military families are getting ready to move). But I am thinking about doing a very specific kind of training in a few weeks which may prove to be beneficial. Hunter's work is super busy right now. My class reunion is mere weeks away and I am getting excited and a little nervous. That's about it.

Except that as I type God knows how much oil is seeping toward one of the places I love most on the earth...more about that when I get my head around it. I think I'll buy some shrimp for dinner though because it may be awhile before I get anymore.

Photos of the birthday bash and Ethan's first hair cut will be forthcoming.

What I'm reading : Finished The Help, Listening to South of Broad by Pat Conroy and reading Outcasts United by Warren St. John.
What I'm listening to : John Hiatt and Kids stuff (always)

Career Day

Robert is having career day at school later this week. I received a form to fill out and send back in. Let's fill it out together, shall we?
What is your occupation? Not to be too obvious or anything, but Social Worker/Mommy
Do you have a uniform? Not unless you count the extra shirt I carry around for the inevitable grimy hand prints of peanut butter or unknown substances that wind up on my first one.
Did you have any special training or education for your job? Social Work, yes. Mommy, unfortunately no I'm like everyone else figuring it out as I go and hoping I don't screw up too badly.
What do you do in your job? I could write a book on this one. I feel compelled to start with what I don't do. I don't work for the state (never have) don't take kids out of homes, don't help anyone get on or off public assistance of any kind (unless you count the little old lady who misreads the ad in the phone book once a month and calls about her social security). I also don't do dishes or Hunter's laundry...a girl has to have boundaries. As for what I do... aside from managing a household, trying to be a thoughtful and effective parent... I would say in my paid job I help people figure out how to make their lives better. Sometimes its their marriage, sometimes its dealing with grief,sometimes its parenting. I hope and pray I do offer some small comfort to someone each day -whether its my son who got in a fight with his best friend, my husband who is stressed at work or a client who just lost their father. Some days my biggest and best accomplishment is to get green vegetables on the table, others its helping a wounded soul figure out to heal.
What do you like most about your job?
Its never ever boring, I get a ton of hugs, and I know I am doing what I was put here to do.

What a relaxing weekend. Of course, the taxes aren't finished and Robert's room isn't even started...still it was a nice break. Last night marked the inaugural meeting of the Jelly of the Month club at Flemings in Birmingham. Nice to feel like neither a social worker nor a Mommy but a grown up out with her fabulous husband. Angy brought a much needed message today about Sabbath and the discipline of resting and hearing the still small voice. Hard to do, but so worth it.

My lenten practice is hard, but teaching me a lot. In the past I've given up chocolate or coffee etc. But this year I decided to eliminate unnecessary spending. Sooo much harder than I thought it would be. I have neither thought of myself as spending a lot of money, but the truth is that there are all kinds of things I waste money on.

The exercise in spiritual discipline has also made me think in a new way about coveting. I would never have thought I was someone who coveted, but that new handbag my girlfriend got is gorgeous and I really want one. I'm not jealous of her and don't plan on stealing it or anything, but there's a lot of energy that goes toward wanting something just because I want it.

I also realize I spend a lot on coffee , Grande decaf skinny mocha no whip extra foam actually. But I have only been to Starbucks twice since Lent started....I'm still drinking it @home, just not paying 4 bucks a pop for one. And I hardly even miss it, except everytime I pass it and when I am waiting in car pool pick up line, or when I am doing paperwork....actually I need to go to bed before I make another run tonight and mess up my whole Lent.